|Inconsistency is simply that voice telling you: “You don’t deserve it”
Most of the time, we know what we need to do to get from where we are to where we want to be.
Most of the time, our biggest challenge is not a knowing problem but a consistent doing problem.
We are all masters of finding our reasons and excuses. Of justifying our disappointing outcomes, but how often can we honestly also say, “I did my best and came up short”?
Inconsistency is a worthiness issue.
It’s when that neurotic voice in your head (that is not who you really are) starts saying, “Ah, don’t bother. Go easy on yourself. You don’t have to do it today. No one will notice. It’s not that big of a deal.”
We can dress up our own inconsistency with all kinds of legitimate-sounding things.
Occasionally, life does throw us off for periods of time – illness, accidents, family emergencies, life and death matters. It muddies the waters between the rarer, legitimate reasons for not being consistent and the majority of times when we are just making excuses.
But most of the time, our inconsistency is on us and we listen to the persuasive, corrupt defence lawyer in our head who convinces us that something else is to blame.
Should your self-worth be low?
NO! So why do most of us act like we don’t deserve to become the person we want to be?
You weren’t born this way. You have been influenced like everyone else by the small bubble of a community and larger culture you grew up in. A world that revered and valued certain people – rightly or wrongly. Then the people closest to you had their own imperfections that influenced you. And undoubtedly you were criticised – rightly or wrongly – by imperfect people trying their best and making mistakes.
You grew up in a world where, as you got older, you learned that some people were better than you at certain things and it hurt your confidence: they could draw better than you, run faster, or do maths quicker. And you couldn’t help but notice that some people were better looking than you (by your cultural norms), or taller or funnier. And then there were the things your own family or community valued and perhaps you weren’t the best at some of those things or you just didn’t enjoy them.
It doesn’t really matter what examples I give or how you accumulated limiting beliefs. The point is that you let these things gradually build up as reasons you would never be as good as someone else. They grew into assumptions about your abilities and a story you still tell yourself about what you deserve or can expect in your life.
How easy is it to shift your self-concept?
What I know for sure from being a highly criticised child with my own laundry list of reasons not to do very well in life (!) is that it is not easy to shift your self-concept and build your self-worth AND that it IS achievable AND that the information on how to do this is not hard to find.
Almost every personal development book written will cover most of the bases. Having read so many of these books thinking I was always missing something (because deep down I still believed I didn’t really deserve great success anyway), lack of knowledge is not the problem most of the time, again:
Our biggest problem is inconsistent doing.
When you are inconsistent, remind yourself that this is your old lack of worthiness talking – and you are the fool for believing what it tells you!
Our problem is we listen to the neurotic voice in our head that persuades us we don’t deserve it.
The only useful question left is: when are you going to stop listening to that neurotic voice and get on with being the person you want to be?
The voice won’t stop bothering you, but it will get quieter over time. You have to decide whether you want more from your life consistently – daily – or succumb to the same old, same old and fool yourself by ‘believing’ “well this is just who I am”. This is total bullshit. You can become anything you want. Your brain has plasticity at any age. Neuroscientists have been studying this throughout this century since the development of the fMRI technology that can now see your neural pathways and how they develop.
I know we want ‘easy’ solutions, but we also have to get real that if our neural pathways have had 20, 30, even 50 or 60 years to get wired certain ways, a 21-day program to change our habits and thinking is laughable. If you’re going to live another year anyway, why not spend some of that time proactively becoming who you really want to be? You’re going to spend that time on something anyway.
You don’t have to listen to either the neurotic voice in your head or the equally neurotic voices in whatever community or culture you live in buying into all the values it parades that don’t support you becoming the person you want to be (think: Instagram).
I truly empathise. I have been working on these areas for most of my adult life and have made most of the mistakes. None of this is easy, but it’s a deeply rewarding journey that you will be so glad you embarked on – perhaps not right away but for sure in 6-18 months!
Patience. Persistence. Never give up on yourself.
Copyright Matt Anderson 2020